There is a disease spreading among members of the Milwaukee Brewers pitching staff, especially among the starters. It started with Jeff Suppan and quickly became contagious. Now it appears to have even spread to Yovani Gallardo. The diagnosis is a chronic inflammation of the suck. There appears to be no quick cure for this.
Just in the past four series, the disease has caused a total collapse of an already infected body. The staff has allowed the average Atlanta Braves, the pathetic Washington Nationals and the woeful San Diego Padres their biggest number of hits in a game this year. Then last night, the fever hit Gallardo and by the time RJ Swindle was through, the Dodgers tallied 17 runs, their largest outburst at home in 30 years. When last seen, Swindle was on life support while Prince Fielder was looking to take out his frustration on Guillermo Mota who purposely hit him. When Prince gets this mad, even Bigfoot hasn’t a chance. Do you think any Brewers pitcher had his back?
It’s gotten so bad that they have resorted to intentionally hitting batters thinking it’s better to plunk them than to be constantly giving up hits. It’s gotten so bad that even our ridiculously partial TV broadcasters could not come up with an excuse. It’s gotten so bad that the team ERA is a feverish 4.86, next to last in the NL. It’s gotten so bad that future opponents are circling the days on the calendar when they get to feast on Brewers pitching like a six-year old off a T-Ball.
The normal treatment for this inflammation is to seek extensive care of the psyche and avoid strenuous activity, like pitching during a game. With so many pitchers afflicted, newcomers may have to be quarantined.
The disease is likely to last until late September long after any effective therapy is administered. By then, the inflammation may have spread to the whole team as they slowly and painfully sink to the sordid depths of the division.
Only rigorous off-season research to come up with an effective vaccine to ward off the symptoms will help. If this fails, the inflammation of the suck becomes worse than chronic. It becomes part of the anatomy of a losing team.